Image: www.becauseimacat.com
See that look you're giving me? It's that dubious and pityingly fearful look I've seen before, and I'd thank you to knock it the hell off...right now! Seriously, I couldn't train for the triathlon three weeks ago because I was on vacation. It's impossible to put in miles on cobblestone. Besides, even if I tried, those Italians would've thrown espressos and insults at me for trying to bob and weave around them. And I couldn't train last week because I had this nasty sinus thing that made me look and feel like Slimer. It was that delicious sort of illness that starts with a faucet nose, then bulges your eyes from sinus pressure, then ends with hacking aliens up in the shower and having your dog come in and give you that curious look because he does not recognize what sort of hell beast you have become, and why you are trying to drink a mug of Theraflu in the shower with one hand while brushing your teeth with the other.
Look, I know it's easy to make excuses, and I know that my ass is already registered to do 2 triathlons, 1 duathlon, and 2 road races this spring. Nothing will solidify a commitment like the usage of an over-loved credit card. I'm scared, too, Mr. Internet Cat who is making that face at me. But here's the thing - I'm still going to do it! Seeing as how I'm already registered and my new tri kit still has it's tags on, I know I have to go Full Crazy Ass WildeBeest Mode in my training in order to make it happen. I have to go Full Retard in the gym in order to get shit done in short order.
Here's my plan: in the AM, I will wake up stupid early and get my weights and cycling done. The weights will consist of the Big 5 compound moves done slowly, with an emphasis on form and safety. I will not thrust up as much weight as possible, then slam it to the floor and yell "O'Doyle Rules!" like I usually do. In the PM, I shall alternate hooves-stomping (aka, running), and walrus-bobbing (aka, swimming). Weekends will be for the long run/long ride and 1-man pizza-eating and beer-drinking contest. In this way, I shall become a triathlon goddess in a month and a half (cuz that's all the time I have).
Behold! I dare thee to lay witness to my athletic feats! Watch, as I go from sub-par athlete to only-slightly-sub-par athlete in record time! YES! Let's ride that enthusiasm!! ...I mean, I may die. But, it's worth a try.
Look, I know it's easy to make excuses, and I know that my ass is already registered to do 2 triathlons, 1 duathlon, and 2 road races this spring. Nothing will solidify a commitment like the usage of an over-loved credit card. I'm scared, too, Mr. Internet Cat who is making that face at me. But here's the thing - I'm still going to do it! Seeing as how I'm already registered and my new tri kit still has it's tags on, I know I have to go Full Crazy Ass WildeBeest Mode in my training in order to make it happen. I have to go Full Retard in the gym in order to get shit done in short order.
Here's my plan: in the AM, I will wake up stupid early and get my weights and cycling done. The weights will consist of the Big 5 compound moves done slowly, with an emphasis on form and safety. I will not thrust up as much weight as possible, then slam it to the floor and yell "O'Doyle Rules!" like I usually do. In the PM, I shall alternate hooves-stomping (aka, running), and walrus-bobbing (aka, swimming). Weekends will be for the long run/long ride and 1-man pizza-eating and beer-drinking contest. In this way, I shall become a triathlon goddess in a month and a half (cuz that's all the time I have).
Behold! I dare thee to lay witness to my athletic feats! Watch, as I go from sub-par athlete to only-slightly-sub-par athlete in record time! YES! Let's ride that enthusiasm!! ...I mean, I may die. But, it's worth a try.